his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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