census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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