Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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