Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
