It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
