One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize