Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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