my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
