I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
