She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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