ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
