Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize