My friends, they love my intelligence
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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