Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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