It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
