So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
