i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
