It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
