He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
