you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
