bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
