I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
