Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This toilet bowl is my home.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
