I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
