I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
