I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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