I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
