i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
