just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
