I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
