The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
