everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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