there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
