The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
