we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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