"it" just moved
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
