His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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