today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
