We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
