I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
