You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
