is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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