I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
