He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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