how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
