Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
