It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize