How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
