i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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