One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
