I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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