You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
