I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
