I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
