He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
