Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
