The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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