question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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