my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize