come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
