So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
