so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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