i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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