Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
