I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize