Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
