i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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