I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
