Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
