I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
