she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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