I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
