I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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